He, silently asks me. Every time we meet.
It’s fraction of a second; when we look at each other.
The question he poses; before he gets back to his reality. Why don’t I believe in his way?
I could barely understand the question. Didn’t know the words nor its meaning. What is it that he asks? That which seems ridiculous yet simple?
We meet so many people. Look into their eyes for a fraction of a second. In that tiny moment we say our ‘Hello’s’. That minuscule exchange is the only time we really bond, connect and communicate. Not just in real life but also on levels … unreal.
Beyond that initial meeting we don’t really see the other person; we simply follow a programmed behavioural norm. We give precedence to what we have to do and eventually gauge its effect.
But that first moment isn’t just about seeing and saying hello. It is the communication of spirits and souls. It is one cluster of space dust asking other cluster, ‘Do we have bits in common? Why are we feeling this? Do you have answers to what I am feeling right now?’
We ask our Cyclic and Eternal Dilemmas to find answers.
We are taking charge. Finally!
Not letting the confusion rule us but asserting our existence, demanding that since – You like being the untangle-r, untangle yourself through me.
We meet people so that our dilemmas can meet other dilemmas and may be together we can find an answer. If not … a friend.
I got my first question. At long last, a question. My start to finding an answer…………any answer.
It came to me as a whisper while I saw his eyes in my mind. I wondered whose eyes are those? and why do I see them? Why are they familiar in a hundred deja-vu like way.
I put the two pieces together. The question and its questioner. Words and view.
He has been asking me, why don’t I believe in his way- in his higher self, his guru. He compels me to see it his way.
Look at him, he says. Look how suave and well mannered he is. How well he speaks, so measured are his words and actions. He speaks our language, just like we understand and admire. He conducts himself so well. He wears such unique clothes. So together.
I ask myself Why can’t I like him? Why can’t I see that he speaks of depth and feelings to untangle our jumbled thoughts.
He speaks again He knows about cosmic realms and the space in it. He has so many answers to our questions about life, love, happiness and prosperity.
I didn’t know the question and I couldn’t answer it because I couldn’t fathom its reality.
I wasn’t in the dark and alone. I do not fear reality but I feel like my soul smirks at others when they question. Alas! each time I failed to understand other such hellos said my way.
My soul thinks it’s silly. Ridiculous. Why ask me that? Do you think I don’t know? Do you think I will not comprehend your deep question? Do you think so little of me?
And then that tortured ball moves on to maybe I am so slow that I have missed out on all beauty around, with my self deprecating attitude and fearful insecurity.
Maybe I missed out on a hundred clues to my own questions because I never asked anyone. Even if I did ask I don’t think I have found my answers yet. I wouldn’t be aware of it of course, that’s for higher beings.
But I don’t think I have ever asked- for the fear of being ridiculed or being condescending.
I don’t fear it. I just didn’t believe in it.
My questioner’s question is asked and understood. I have my answer because when I looked into his eyes I saw my own fears. That may be the reason why I could finally understand his quest.
When you do believe in it, it feels like you are –
Opening up to the world.
Coming out from behind the curtains.
It is baring yourself to the elements.
Risking to get hurt.
I understood when I gathered courage and took a brave step out.
A small step.
So minuscule it would barely count.
Yet it opened me up to the large abundant cosmos. So large ; A small step.
I thought about why I don’t believe in his ways, his higher self, his guru.
And I say It is not that I don’t believe in you. I admire the suave persona and respect his vision and words but he doesn’t answer my questions. I may have complex questions, deeper questions or even shallow. But none that you say or he says comes close to my path. Your guru and your path is ‘yours only’ because his answers untangle your confusion but not mine.
Thank you, fellow traveller I say. It has been nice to meet my first questioner in this whole wide world.
I do like you and all that you represent but I have a different journey.